Dear QTalk family,

I need help because I’m not myself anymore.

I have three children from three different women.

My firstborn son was born when I was still in college, back in 2012. We were charged and paid, but her family didn’t want us to get married. That’s how that relationship ended. My son is now in Grade 7.

After college, I started working for Parmalat and was staying in Olympia. That’s when I met someone else. We got married. She was a manager at a restaurant, so she used to knock off very late. This started affecting our marriage. I asked her to stop working late, and she did. I even found her a new job at Shoprite.

But after she started working at Shoprite, she changed completely. She always prioritized work over being home. She would attend work events and outings more than she would be a mother at home. Luckily, we had a maid who helped take care of the child.

Later on, one of her workmates called me and told me that my wife was having an affair with one of her bosses. At first, I didn’t believe it. But the lady told me to go to a certain club, and that I would find my wife there with the white man she was dating.

So I went there, and truly, I found her with her work friends. Each of them was with a man. I didn’t react but just watched from a distance while still texting the woman who told me about it. Later, she told me that they were going to a lodge behind Manda Hill.

I followed my wife from the club to the lodge. At the lodge, I found a lady who I knew from college working there. We talked a bit. I asked her about the man and woman who had just booked a room. At first, she refused to tell me, saying it was against their work policy. But I opened up and told her that the woman was actually my wife.

She was shocked and told me that my wife was a regular at that lodge, and even the room they had booked was one she usually used. I was disappointed. She then took me to the room. My wife opened the door wearing only a white towel. I walked in and found the white man completely naked on the bed. I even captured them on camera.

There was a bit of commotion, and people came out. I was told to just go home. This was around midnight, so I left the lodge.

At home, I used to keep her younger brother with us. Around 2 AM, my wife came knocking at the bedroom window. She was drunk. Her brother is the one who opened the door for her. When she entered the house, she stabbed me in the arm. She took the K11,000 we had in the house and left with our baby, who was just 11 months old at the time.

The maid, who was an elderly woman, quickly called people to come help. I was rushed to the hospital, where I stayed for two weeks. While I was hospitalized, the police were looking for her. She was being hidden by her relatives, but eventually they caught her and she was detained.

I later forgave her, and she was released from police cells. We went to court and officially got divorced after the incident.

From 2017 to 2022, I stayed single. I didn’t commit to anyone.

Then I got another job and moved. I met someone new she was the daughter of my landlady. On Christmas Day in 2022, they were drinking at the yard and I joined them. That’s how our relationship started. Later, she got pregnant, and I wanted to relocate, but she refused. She gave birth to my third child.

While we were dating, I saw a lot of red flags, especially with how she would talk to me and lack of respect. I thought it was because of the pregnancy and ignored it. I moved far from her, but she would still visit and help me.

Eventually, we paid dowry and got married. Last year in December, on the 15th, we had a come together and also went to the civic center for the wedding.

After she came to live with me, she completely changed. She wanted to control everything in the house. I work for a transportation company, so I knock off late. I sometimes have a drink or two, but she started getting upset about that. Whenever I was on my phone, she thought I was talking to other women.

Another issue came up she had a child from a previous relationship, a boy who was 5 years old when we got married. She told me the father was not involved, so I took him as my own. But a month after we got married, the man started calling her around 2 AM and 4 AM.

When I confronted her, we had arguments. I also talked to her family (bana bukombe) and we tried to resolve the issue. But she had tapped my phone. She would monitor my location and movements. One time, I went to church after work, and she told me she knew I was at church. She also told me she could see every place I stopped at.

In February, she started school I’m paying for her education. But since she started, she completely changed. She no longer cooks or eats with me. She just stays in the bedroom on the phone. We don’t have any intimate moments anymore.

One day, while taking the kids to school, I saw someone I used to work with who had three wives. I made a comment about it, and my wife said something that shocked me. She said, “For me, if my husband is cheating or has a girlfriend, I can just give him die-slow poison so he dies slowly and painfully.”

That comment scared me, especially with the way things were going in the home. I started avoiding eating alone or even sleeping peacefully. There was too much tension. One evening, I went out for a few drinks with her younger brother. When I returned around 21:00, she told me not to get in bed before bathing. So I went to bath and afterward I sat in the living room on my phone.

She came in, got upset, and slapped me while accusing me of talking to other women. That led to a big fight it even moved outside. I called my uncle to help calm the situation, but she refused to talk to him. This made my uncle upset and he told me to take her back to her parents’ home, which I did so they could talk to her properly.

Now, she’s still at her mother’s place. Her mother supports her behavior. Just last week, she sent me a message saying I should come with my people and collect my nsalamu because she’s no longer interested in the marriage.

I informed bashibukombe, and my uncle said we will go and collect what we paid. After that, my wife changed again, saying it was her mother influencing her and that she’s sorry about everything.

Now she wants to come back home and raise the child together. But I’m scared because every time we argue, she talks about killing me. Her sister even called me and said I shouldn’t go to collect the nsalamu.

So now I’m stuck. What do I do with a woman like this?
#relationship